Black beans and corn are simply one of the greatest things I’ve done with my life. And then you go and screw up a good thing by adding salsa and melted cheese. As much as I hated my creation, you eat what you can when you’re hungry.
The bean and corn mixture lasted me for around three days. It’s so nice to have a little treat on top of your two-dollar meal. Hunger pains have become few and far between. There’s hope when you’re able to get ahead.
Sadly, I’m back to the place where I started. And though the pains haven’t been too bothersome, the cold weather has. The past two nights have left me searching for heat. The thermal blanket I’ve packed hasn’t been as efficient as hoped.
Last night we stopped at another Wal-mart, only this time I was wandering the camping section. A nice, low quality sleeping bag would lead to proficient rest, which is something that I haven’t been getting much of.
For those of you that don’t know, sleeping bags at Wal-mart run from anywhere between 9 dollars and 40 dollars. As I grabbed one that cost 14 dollars things immediately came into perspective. A 14-dollar purchase leaves me hungry for 7 days. Having to choose between warmth and starvation is saddening. It’s a formidable experience to sacrifice something that’s so important to the general wellness of life.
After around 10 minutes of deliberation I reached a conclusion. For the rest of the tour I’ll be sleeping fully clothed under my blanket.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Feb 23rd
Compassion from complete strangers often takes me by surprise. I find myself dwelling in that statement from time to time. When people that I’ve never met before treat me like they deeply care about me it breaks down the walls of communication. It’s sad that we live in a world where kindness is such a shocking emotion.
I’ve been blessed to receive a package including some essential living items. The socks keep my feet warm, the gum keeps my breath fresh, and you keep me believing.
Thank you.
There is love and grace in Atlanta, GA.
I’ve been blessed to receive a package including some essential living items. The socks keep my feet warm, the gum keeps my breath fresh, and you keep me believing.
Thank you.
There is love and grace in Atlanta, GA.
Feb 22nd
We have finally arrived at a Wal-mart. Thank God. As I cruise the aisles I contemplate my best interests. The need to fill my stomach with cheap carbohydrates is overruled by the lack of nutrition.
To the canned food section!
I purchased a large can of black beans and two small cans of sweet corn for less than two dollars. My attention is quickly drawn to how I’ll be storing these items once they have been opened which leads me to the purchase of a small Tupperware container. I’ll have to make this stretch for the next two days.
To the canned food section!
I purchased a large can of black beans and two small cans of sweet corn for less than two dollars. My attention is quickly drawn to how I’ll be storing these items once they have been opened which leads me to the purchase of a small Tupperware container. I’ll have to make this stretch for the next two days.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Feb 18th
The night of the 15th was devastating. I had just spent a half an hour writing a new blog entry when all of a sudden my computer went black.
It’s such a helpless feeling, whether you know a plethora about computers or not. It’s how we communicate, do our jobs, pay our bills, and stay up-to-date on the world’s happenings. And being that my lifestyle is always on the move, it’s difficult to find time for repair work.
Though I don’t really live in extreme poverty, I can confidently say I reside in the lower tax bracket. Therefore unexpectedly having to drop 1,800 dollars on a new computer is quite a disheartening experience no matter what my financial position is. The fact of the matter is that two dollars a day would not allow me to make this purchase. Not having a computer means that I can’t efficiently perform my job and not being able to fulfill my duties at the workplace would leave me jobless.
This is something that persons living in poverty are forced to face. When the farmer’s plow breaks his fields can’t properly be tended. This affects the farmer, the people who purchase the farmer’s goods and the purchaser’s family. The whole community suffers when the source suffers.
I’m starting to see how poverty is its own worst enemy. It bruises hope, crushes dreams, and hinders the growth of persons, community, and our world.
I no longer have a camera.
That’s such a strange thing to say.
I no longer have a camera.
I was fortunate to receive a new Nikon D80 for Christmas this year. There are things that I know I don’t deserve, and this was one of them. And though my joy was overwhelming at the time, it ending quite abruptly yesterday night. After we started driving to the next show I noticed that my camera was missing.
To the person that stole my camera, I hope you become a famous photographer. May you be further blessed than I’ve ever dreamed.
It’s such a helpless feeling, whether you know a plethora about computers or not. It’s how we communicate, do our jobs, pay our bills, and stay up-to-date on the world’s happenings. And being that my lifestyle is always on the move, it’s difficult to find time for repair work.
Though I don’t really live in extreme poverty, I can confidently say I reside in the lower tax bracket. Therefore unexpectedly having to drop 1,800 dollars on a new computer is quite a disheartening experience no matter what my financial position is. The fact of the matter is that two dollars a day would not allow me to make this purchase. Not having a computer means that I can’t efficiently perform my job and not being able to fulfill my duties at the workplace would leave me jobless.
This is something that persons living in poverty are forced to face. When the farmer’s plow breaks his fields can’t properly be tended. This affects the farmer, the people who purchase the farmer’s goods and the purchaser’s family. The whole community suffers when the source suffers.
I’m starting to see how poverty is its own worst enemy. It bruises hope, crushes dreams, and hinders the growth of persons, community, and our world.
I no longer have a camera.
That’s such a strange thing to say.
I no longer have a camera.
I was fortunate to receive a new Nikon D80 for Christmas this year. There are things that I know I don’t deserve, and this was one of them. And though my joy was overwhelming at the time, it ending quite abruptly yesterday night. After we started driving to the next show I noticed that my camera was missing.
To the person that stole my camera, I hope you become a famous photographer. May you be further blessed than I’ve ever dreamed.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Feb 16th
These people truly hold a piece of my heart.
My memories will often travel down the roads we’ve shared.
My memories will often travel down the roads we’ve shared.
Feb 15th
It appears to be that I’m caught in the midst of a great battle. The days leave me anxious for the sleep to come while the nights leave me restlessly preparing for the days ahead.
Though there’s a blackness residing above me as I write, the storm has yet to hit. It's stagnant and waiting for the right time to let out its torrential downpour. My days have felt weak and my body feels tired.
It has come to my attention that I have some very difficult choices to make as a person living on two dollars a day; which food will provide me with the most nutrition, how much of that food do I eat and when in my day should I eat? Every day when I wake up my stomach is growling. Do I satisfy my needs then and not eat for the rest of the day? Do I eat post show after not eating all day? Which of these will give me the most energy?
My purchase of toothpaste has left me starving for the past three days. Tonight was my first meal; two incredibly insufficient pieces of pizza that were no bigger than my hand, a couple of chips and a fan provided cookie.
Though there’s a blackness residing above me as I write, the storm has yet to hit. It's stagnant and waiting for the right time to let out its torrential downpour. My days have felt weak and my body feels tired.
It has come to my attention that I have some very difficult choices to make as a person living on two dollars a day; which food will provide me with the most nutrition, how much of that food do I eat and when in my day should I eat? Every day when I wake up my stomach is growling. Do I satisfy my needs then and not eat for the rest of the day? Do I eat post show after not eating all day? Which of these will give me the most energy?
My purchase of toothpaste has left me starving for the past three days. Tonight was my first meal; two incredibly insufficient pieces of pizza that were no bigger than my hand, a couple of chips and a fan provided cookie.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Feb 10th
I feel discouraged. I feel powerless. I feel that food owns my life.
I hunger. I feast. I repeat.
It's been a struggle for me to keep this project going. There's always food around and people are always trying to get me to eat it. I feel like most of the people on this tour don't understand the message I'm trying to convey. The point is to suffer. The point is to be malnourished. The point is to sacrifice health for the gain of understanding.
My stomach has ached non-stop for the past week. The pain I feel leads me down a road of temptation. I often find myself hoping for a time when the pain is so intense that I won't be able to take it anymore. For me to hurt so bad that I have to eat to feel better. Thankfully our ryder has been able to supply food for the band which has enabled me to eat for 2 dollars once a day.
While in Arizona I weighed myself for the first time since I started the project. 11 days of simulated poverty has left me 10 pounds lighter. That scares me. I can't get my mind off of what it must really be like; to be full of mental growth and stunted in physical growth. To know that this isn't a choice for some people makes me appreciate the things I have.
It was good to be with people whom I love. It's very inspiring to greet people face to face that genuinely care about you.
Relationships inspire perseverance.
Persue I shall.
I hunger. I feast. I repeat.
It's been a struggle for me to keep this project going. There's always food around and people are always trying to get me to eat it. I feel like most of the people on this tour don't understand the message I'm trying to convey. The point is to suffer. The point is to be malnourished. The point is to sacrifice health for the gain of understanding.
My stomach has ached non-stop for the past week. The pain I feel leads me down a road of temptation. I often find myself hoping for a time when the pain is so intense that I won't be able to take it anymore. For me to hurt so bad that I have to eat to feel better. Thankfully our ryder has been able to supply food for the band which has enabled me to eat for 2 dollars once a day.
While in Arizona I weighed myself for the first time since I started the project. 11 days of simulated poverty has left me 10 pounds lighter. That scares me. I can't get my mind off of what it must really be like; to be full of mental growth and stunted in physical growth. To know that this isn't a choice for some people makes me appreciate the things I have.
It was good to be with people whom I love. It's very inspiring to greet people face to face that genuinely care about you.
Relationships inspire perseverance.
Persue I shall.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Feb 2nd
I'm glad that I'm on tour with healthy individuals that don't eat fast food. I'm sad that I haven't been able to eat for two days because we go places that opt out on the 99 cent menu. We also haven't made a Wal-mart trip at all in the past three days of tour. Therefor my need to buy cheap goods at the expense of the people that run, stock, and sell me these cheap goods has been severely deprived.
That being said, I've decided to make some changes. I'm going to up my daily salary by a dollar in order to try and squeeze 3 to 4 meals a week in. Last night, which would be early this morning for most of you, was my first meal since I started the project on Jan 31st. I ate a cheese sandwich, a couple of fig newtons, and some chips from our ryder. Food has never tasted so good. I've felt great lately, but it bothers me to think that this intense ache in my stomach is only a fraction of what people must be feeling. To think that it's something that doesn't have a solution truly saddens my heart.
The RV is incredibly difficult to sleep in so I haven't been sleeping much. Everyone says that it takes some getting used to but I find it difficult to comprehend that. I have this strange feeling of death when I try to sleep while we're driving.
I spent to the two dollars that I received today on another sandwich provided by yesterday's ryder. These purchases also allow me to play the sandwich game with my peers. Progressive sustenance plus comradery through sandwich annihilation equals happiness.
After tonight, it's 2 days off. I'm stoked for the super bowl and a shower. I haven't done that in 4 days either. Sorry mom. Thanks for trying to teach me your wholesome values.
That being said, I've decided to make some changes. I'm going to up my daily salary by a dollar in order to try and squeeze 3 to 4 meals a week in. Last night, which would be early this morning for most of you, was my first meal since I started the project on Jan 31st. I ate a cheese sandwich, a couple of fig newtons, and some chips from our ryder. Food has never tasted so good. I've felt great lately, but it bothers me to think that this intense ache in my stomach is only a fraction of what people must be feeling. To think that it's something that doesn't have a solution truly saddens my heart.
The RV is incredibly difficult to sleep in so I haven't been sleeping much. Everyone says that it takes some getting used to but I find it difficult to comprehend that. I have this strange feeling of death when I try to sleep while we're driving.
I spent to the two dollars that I received today on another sandwich provided by yesterday's ryder. These purchases also allow me to play the sandwich game with my peers. Progressive sustenance plus comradery through sandwich annihilation equals happiness.
After tonight, it's 2 days off. I'm stoked for the super bowl and a shower. I haven't done that in 4 days either. Sorry mom. Thanks for trying to teach me your wholesome values.
Jan 31st
A young lady who has been creating art for the past 6 years gave us this just before we left. She explained how she would burn her pieces once she was done with them because they didn't meet her expectations. This was one of the first pieces to survive the flames.
Throughout my experiences I've noticed that the first of everything is the hardest. The first steps we take as children seem like giant leaps of faith. The first words we speak are difficult to form and nearly impossible to comprehend. First days on the job are always filled with anxiety and the fear of falling short. First kisses are drowned by the fear of rejection. Although we feel fear and the possibility of failure, we press on. Tonight was the first show of the tour. It was met with high stress, fear, and an empty stomach.
It's difficult to begin new things. New things mean new problems, and new problems expose new emotions. Though despite the fact that change is hard, it often leads you to find a new hope in yourself.
My intake for the day was 4.5 bottles of water(500mL). I've felt alright. It just feels like I'm fasting at the moment. I wish 99 cents was 99 cents and not 1.07. Tax really puts a damper on things.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
My best regards
I really apologize to anyone reading this.
I have had quite an infrequent run with internet and haven't been able to post. I have a strange feeling that this will be the case throughout the tour. New updates coming soon.
I have had quite an infrequent run with internet and haven't been able to post. I have a strange feeling that this will be the case throughout the tour. New updates coming soon.
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