I feel discouraged. I feel powerless. I feel that food owns my life.
I hunger. I feast. I repeat.
It's been a struggle for me to keep this project going. There's always food around and people are always trying to get me to eat it. I feel like most of the people on this tour don't understand the message I'm trying to convey. The point is to suffer. The point is to be malnourished. The point is to sacrifice health for the gain of understanding.
My stomach has ached non-stop for the past week. The pain I feel leads me down a road of temptation. I often find myself hoping for a time when the pain is so intense that I won't be able to take it anymore. For me to hurt so bad that I have to eat to feel better. Thankfully our ryder has been able to supply food for the band which has enabled me to eat for 2 dollars once a day.
While in Arizona I weighed myself for the first time since I started the project. 11 days of simulated poverty has left me 10 pounds lighter. That scares me. I can't get my mind off of what it must really be like; to be full of mental growth and stunted in physical growth. To know that this isn't a choice for some people makes me appreciate the things I have.
It was good to be with people whom I love. It's very inspiring to greet people face to face that genuinely care about you.
Relationships inspire perseverance.
Persue I shall.
4 comments:
I think your simulation of poverty is probably more healthy than my tostitos tour rider diet of the last week. I'll keep a spyin on you via la revolution-- give me a shout at thematches.com/blog
love ya!
Shawn
I'm proud of what you're doing. It's very inspiring and I hope that somehow I can help get some more public eye on this cause. I think seeing some pictures of the food you eat and maybe even pics of any body changes that might occur in the next few weeks or months would vital for proving signs of drastic change. Love you buddy. Stick it out, I believe in you!
As you mother, it troubles me that you are depriving yourself of a wholesome meal on a daily basis. My only consolation is knowing that you have a choice.
I can only imagine the feelings of hoplessness and fear many mothers experience knowing that they may lose their child(ren) to starvation; they have no choice.
Dad & I are afraid of what the future holds for you as you take on this challenge. We respect your decision to move forward with your project and support you 100%! Always remember how much you're loved! -- Mama Haase & Papa Haase Sr.
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