*

March 31st, 2009

sometimes,

i can't help to think that

just as we look up to the night's sky

in admiration of god's beauty,

he looks down unto the night's streets

to be pleased with ours.

Easter on the road

Laying in a dark room while everyone is still sleeping listening to Miles Davis isn’t exactly the way that I remember spending Easter as a child. But to be fair, my memories of Easter don’t paint the most accurate portrait of the deep, emotive meaning that Easter has. As my emotions evolve, the candy becomes less and less abundant and my focus shifts to the physical and impetuous battle of Jesus Christ and God, the sacrifices that we can only imagine a fraction of, and what it means to live in a world that has been forgiven. Hell, the candy is cheaper a day after Easter anyways, right?!

My emotions are high this morning as I make my best attempt to remember who Jesus is and what He did for us. My heart is plagued with sorrow and joy; such ambivalence leads me to silence and prayer.

May our days be filled with peace, empathy, and a greater understanding of love. May we use His love to allow ourselves to be loved and to love others.

I love you. More than you could ever imagine.

Shane.

*

Oh how the road/the months I spent living with two of my greatest friends has taught me how to be humble and allow myself to be served.

As a person that has been taking care of myself for around 5.8472 years now, I find great difficulty in opening myself up to this act of humility. I have frequently turned down the help and continued to let my pride build into a vicious monster that is afraid of humility and vulnerability. This struggle has taught me that my need for love and affection is far greater than what a platonic relationship can provide. The need for community is far greater than a surface level friendship.

My stern pride continues to be met with the grace of hospitality.
It's far easier to give than to receive.

*

I love things that appear to embody a permanent facade but are, upon closer inspection, completely ephemeral. I think that's one of my favorite things about installation art. The piece goes up overnight, stays for as long as it can, and is then stripped away as quickly as it came. The thing is, to anyone whom is unfamiliar with the space an installation embodies, the art is a permanent fixture to our world. 

I need more of this perceptual permanence in our world. Where my unplanned, haphazard life can have a moment to reflect on what exists in and around my space.

*

There are so many times on tour that it feels like the road is never going to end. That the ten hour drive is slowly slipping into sixteen hours and you'll never be able to sleep at any speed variation under 65mph. Today was one of the few drives that I felt comfortable letting slip into eternity. Two songs remained on repeat as we sailed through the thick.

I need more moments in my life without a clear destination or appointment. Where I'm free to take everything in at nature's pace.

My heart is in the company of great friends tonight. We've shared a meal, a beer, and incredible stories while the time has slowly slept away. Looks like that 65mph sleep is going to come in handy tomorrow.

*

Sometimes I wish that I could see Jesus the way I saw him this morning. Standing in the corner, watching over us, delighted with our laughter. Believing is so much easier when something is in front of you.

That's why long distance relationships are hard. They force you to believe in something that isn't in front of you. To trust someone with all of your heart, even when they are most capable of hurting you.

I can't help but question that if I had seen Jesus and everything He did, would I really find it easier to believe?

White is such a crisp, clean color that always grabs my attention for some reason. I love the way that it plays with soft light.

It has snowed all night in Washington where I'm staying and from the looks of the sky it will continue to snow throughout the duration of the day.